其实..

Grown up in a problematic family is always gonna affect your life. I don't know if I think too much, but every time when I want to take a step forward I took a step back instead. I don't want to drag others into this kind of situation where they can be so stress dealing with my family issues. I am so fed up with them until, honestly I hate to go home that I would just distance myself far away. I tried to cope with it, tried to trust them but they kept disappoint me. All these commitment make me to think twice before I would like to do anything, end up being so indecisive. Things just don't look right for me if there is no answer, I hate guessing, I don't want risk, I am afraid to end up awkwardly. I thought I can be realistic actually, if you can't love your family how can you keep someone you like feeling loved? If you can't give your family enough financial support how can you expect to offer her a carefree shelter?

tic toc tic toc

roller coaster ride, that's the best word to describe my situation at the moment!

Started off excited with an oversea phone call, getting tired with those long hour travelling, disappointed by the supervisor decision, messed up the transportation home, blessed to receive another chance, mistaken the appointment time, stuck in the traffic and late for the interview, relieved to pass it, scrambling for place to stay, shocked with the medical report, and now waiting anxiously for the YES!

Although it's going to be hard for the HR to accept me with vision deficient written on the med report, I still hoping that maybe the company will be kind enough to hire me as long as I can show them that I am fully competent for the task, or they have another position that I can go for. PRAY HARD =( 

Nevertheless, I would like to thanks my beloved si jie, uncle and aunty for lending me a place to shelter! It's such a warming place to be, the dinner was really delicious, and you guys really make me feel like being at home! I felt sorry for bothering you guys so much yet I got nothing to offer other than sharing my family story which might be annoying. I don't know if I had disrupted you guys since it's valentine plus chap goh mei on the day, I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience caused and once more thank you si jie!!!
❤ you so much~

❤

发泄完，抱怨完，日子还是得过..

放下了，看破了，理应更加付出..

逃过一劫后，真的深深的体会到了什么叫树欲静而风不止，子欲养而亲不在。终于学会心甘情愿的服侍家里的母亲，希望她真的能早日康复，远离病痛。看着她煎熬的样子真的实在不忍心。

感恩

纯粹发泄

每天晚上带着那疲惫的身心，躺在床上，闭上眼睛，脑袋总是残忍的堵住我入睡，直到天亮。烦的是家庭，烦的是事业，烦的是爱情.. 人生中最重要的三件事，全都搞砸了，这就是我...

--何谓家庭--
说实话，我是真的很讨厌这个家。为什么人家的家可以那么温馨，那么幸福，而我的家连最基本的干净都没有? 为什么我只能在吵吵闹闹，事故频频，互相猜疑的环境中成长?

妈，如果你不能够信任爸，不能够当一个称职的老婆，为什么还要嫁给他呢? 到头来搞得乱七八糟，悲剧下场，为的又是什么? 只能说为了结婚而结婚时不会有好下场的

一个家庭出现问题每个人都难辞其咎。爸也有错，他错在过分的迁就，过分的纵容，让你变得更得寸进尺，越来越无理取闹，让我们从小就觉得妈妈永远是对的。真是辛苦你了，爸。我们都知道你其实是一个很好的丈夫，很称职的爸爸，很孝顺的儿子，很虔诚的佛教徒。你这么一个典范都会有如此下场，我自认没办法像你那么伟大，结婚? 还是算了吧..

我知道妈你有病，可是更多的问题是来自于你的性格，你那讨人厌的态度。恐怖的疑心病，懒惰的个性，女王的霸道，过分的自私，痴迷的贪心，不要脸的虚荣心，严重的被害妄想症，一步一步的将你推向精神病的大门。正是因为你的偏心，造就了现在的皇帝弟弟，家里没人能驾驭得了他了。最厉害的武器不是破口大骂，而是无声的抗拒，我真的是他X的不爽他，只可惜无能为力。不幸中的万幸，妹妹竟然因为你的刻薄而更懂事，连我都比不上她这个好女儿。

当然，我这个儿子也有错，错在太过于置身事外。从我发现你总是从人家所说的话里幻想编造出一大堆莫明其妙的故事，我以为只要我少说话你就会少了猜疑的泉源，所以都不随便和你聊天。现在我知道我错了，还错得很离谱。因为这样，我变得很少和家人沟通，兄弟姐妹间有了代沟，才会造就了现在和弟弟的关系。或许我从小就和你多聊天说话，你的病情也不会断断续续的复发了，我也不会像现在这样不懂得和人相处沟通，沉默寡言了。

妈妈对不起，现在我也不期望你会改变那多年的坏习惯了，只希望你现在是平平安安的。新年要到了，去年都没有机会一起吃团圆饭，真的很希望你能回家...

待续

谢谢你们!

9月3日 晚上8.01pm 

安静很久的电话响了起来, 荧幕上出现的是一张熟悉却不常出现的脸孔.
 喂? 还没说下一句话, 鳗鱼就以很急促的语气将她刚收到通知要去新加坡的事情告诉了我, 
什么应该是拜三或拜四就要飞了因为很赶所以不能送机了. 
还问恐龙拜二拜三有没有空大家出来喝茶见面最后一次，
原本拜二是要去subang拿toolbox顺便去吃Murni的结果被哀了几下就现在去咯!
Murni拜一休息 ) = 
还没回过神来又讲他们拜三会帮你庆祝生日可是我不能去了我已经飞了, 你跟timothy他们去啦!
我呆呆的回了一声“哦”, 她又连续重复了几次才盖电话.. 
当下是觉得怎么那么突然? 不过也很像蛮合理的.


 20分钟后

凯琳的whatsapp令我完全相信了鳗鱼的故事
kl : wr! are you going to send my off?
wr: when?
    : she also no confirm when leaving
kl : i tot she going this week?
wr: ya
    : this week
kl : so sudden : everyone going spore
    : Ails
    : I also want to go spore la
wr: haha
    : go la
kl : I find work there 1st
    : duno sempat meet her anot
    : I can't reach Si Jie
    : I ask man yee but she didn't reply
wr: she didn't say wor
    : she busying packing now
kl : who?
    : manyee?
    : how u know?
wr: ya
    : just now fb her she say
kl : Ooo (难怪你的o那么长啦!)
    : nxt time bk kajang
    : no tea edi
    : duno sempat meet u onot tim
    : this weekend my sis wedding (这句到底是真是假哦?）

 真的不是开玩笑的真!


 9月4号 晚上 
还是那个“要走了”的鳗鱼联络恐龙,
都是交通的问题,
什么“如果”凯琳有回来的话她车就不够坐啦,
又说师姐会自己去meet我们，一下又讲ah sum父母会放她去她家先.. 0.0!? 
但是还挺欣慰的, 至少最后一次相聚都算人齐

 白色myvi到咯
一坐进去, 奇怪了!
不是说师姐在鳗鱼家的吗? 怎么不见了! )=
也没有问,毕竟ah sum是个大忙人
但是,wow.. seremban大家姐凯琳都回来了~
当时的我只想说一定是鳗鱼要走了不懂下次见面是几时所以才赶回来的 hahahaha 


In House
大家点水选了很久很久,
timothy就玩起ipad来..
凯琳还骂他人家要走了你还在玩不多聊下?
气氛是有一点怪,
和平时吵吵闹闹的他们比..很安静
我就想说应该是大家都要走了,有点舍不得显得比较沉重.. 谁知道?! =.= 
谈话中他们又开始了一连串的逼真演技,大概记得一些是这样的 

kl  ：你做么那么突然就走的?是 interview还是开工
my：没有啦interview罢了,但是我一次过in很多份如果可以就立刻开工咯
tim：所以你去了就不回来了啦?
my：没有啦如果成功了再回来拿东西去咯,反正我都是住智扬那边
kl  ：哇这样你去智扬不是爽到死?哈哈
wr：鳗鱼这样你是坐飞机去还是?
my：坐飞机咯搭bus那么久不累死meh 还想搭火车的可是
kl  ：火车不是更久
wr：是咯可是坐Bus便宜很多leh,你临时买机票那么贵
my：没有嘛,刚好我mummy有book机票就顺便咯
wr：那多少钱?
my：200多块咯
wr：哇,我记得锦鸿上次很像才60-70leh (还很天真的和她聊到macam yes!) xD 其中有一段
tim：到底ah sum有没有来的?
kl ：她讲她和papa mama还在KL吃晚餐,很赛车oh赶不到 (新加坡回来会经过kl???)
wr：aiyo,以后都不懂有没有机会见了
tim：再打给她看看 

我静了下来,
心想看来她们3个一起出现的机率就像是要李宗伟打赢林丹机率一样.. 难 hahaha
不知道什么时候鳗鱼突然讲快点叫ah sum,我看到她了
有够惊讶！
还利用她灿烂的笑容掩盖住面具背后的真相.
一坐下来就跟鳗鱼两个狂笑,
开始感觉怪怪的 LOL
问题是我已经被鳗鱼的故事搞得很乱了,所以也没去猜疑
还问她为什么是鳗鱼要去新加坡但是你是跟凯琳讲住宿的问题的?
sum： 没有嘛因为她妹妹也要过去那里嘛
me  ：恩咯是hor (竟然被她掰过去了!!)

过后鳗鱼和师姐一起去厕所很久都没有回来..
我才开始觉得不是很对劲..
她们一回来又笑个不停
不知道哪来的灵感,又开始了! 

tim ：什么事那么好笑?
sum：刚才我和鳗鱼去厕所的时候..　有一个男的出来一下子pokai在我面前!
tim ：蛤?做么他会跌倒的?
sum：没有嘛我要进去的时候他一开门就滑倒,吓死我跟鳗鱼! hahaha
my  ：是咯
kl   ：他到底怎样跌的? 是向前这样跌还是这样(比手势)
tim ：然后怎样? 
sum：然后就扶他起来赶快跑啦! 不然要怎样?　那么paiseh 　　
      ：讲先生对不起,再陪他汤药费啊?
wr  ：哇, 到底是哪一个人那么倒霉..鳗鱼是谁?
      ：穿什么衣服的?
my  ：errr.. 穿红色衣服那个咯 （我立刻看了周围一下)
wr  ：没有啊? 哪里有?坐里面的啊?
my  ：恩咯应该是
我再转过头去找,突然看到一个waiter拿着蛋糕... OMG!　
当下我立刻将头转过去不敢回头望
结果.. happy birthday to you~ 
还双语版 LOL
脸颊烫到可以煮鸡蛋了, 当场无言
应该讲当时的心情,不是言语所能形容的.. hahaha
真的心脏都快跳出来了

没办法咯,
恐龙其实表达能力不是很好,
属于不是很聊得来的那种..
越看康熙越觉得我.. 就是5D班的陈汉典嘛 hahahaha
很喜欢呆在你们之中
你们很棒! 总是能说得滔滔不绝的,让我可以开开心心的当个小听众. =) 

才一句thankyou,觉得很没诚意..
你去买东西人家都会跟你讲啦! xD
所以恐龙要记下来,自我反省为什么那么笨! hahaha
献给昨晚的你们~


鳗鱼
你真的很厉害!
想不到你编故事可以编得那么真,连讲话的语气都那么像..
100分的演技,hahaha
谢谢你啦,真的很感人

 凯琳
你和他们的配合,接话都很自然很顺..
你家人没骂你吧,突然跑回家?
虽然你讲到不会很麻烦不过要自己开车回来第二天一早又开回去,也很不容易.
那份心意真的很感谢 

敏杰
辛苦你了,人来了in house却像身在法院.. xD
让她们上演了怒火街头审问证人的戏码..
不过你那招我不懂我不知道还蛮管用的嘛 hahaha
你是他们之中最老实的,没什么骗我
Thankyou! 

懿彬
真不好意思,每次和我们出来都让你爸妈担心..
N56真的很不错,后面asus logo还有back light!
ermmm..
我不知道要讲什么了啦,
glory glory Man Utd~ 哈哈哈哈
谢谢你ya

衿杏
真的是又惊又喜,曲折离奇
一下又讲会来一下又讲不来一下又出来
不管啦,很开心见到你~ Surprise到!
以后我看到你边讲话边笑, 就知道要小心了 hahaha
TQVM
还有,
师姐昨天很漂亮lorr,新加坡新造型? =)


*锦鸿你自己看啦, 是他们太pandai还是我太单纯? Lolz

 ❤ 5Dssss Forever  ~~

감사합니다

4th Month in Kuching =)

yup, it's alr 4th month been here.
although no one wanna visit my blog, i still will do it!
the oni place for me to spread my feelings and note down history.. of wR xD

1
I wanna COMPLAINT!
almost everyone here asked me, do you have a girlfriend?
yup, i swear with my heart.. NO, I DON'T!
if you don't believe it why you ask me?
what for i wanna tipu you all, it's nothing secret oso.
do I really look so attractive? If really is, i don't mind =)
but i don't feel myself tat charming lor.
so, stop with the nonsense response like impossible, you sure got gf, how can you don't have one, i don't believe, you tipu me bla bla bla...

another popular question for me.
i always got no answer to it, and I really HATE it!
why you look so thin, didn't eat ar? bla bla bla
T.T
"yun wong ahhhhhhhhh"
i really eat alot alot dy, but my body just don't wanna grow horizontally!
so many ways I tried.
I slept early, enough 8 hrs..
i ate alot alot of rice for lunch and dinner..
I reduced my exercise frequency..
in the end, wR is still wR.. the thin wR! =(

so, if you read this post my friends..
either accidentally or intentionally, please tell others don't ask me this 2 question.
i had enough with it dy!

2
~~new topic~~
CNY is near, vry vry near..
so anticipated, more more anticipated than past few years.
I can go HOME, I can meet my FRIENDS, I can have fun until MIDNITE! hahahahaha
5Ds, please be prepared, i wanna go "bai nian" luuu..
YH Badminton, i wanna challenge you all this CNY..
papa, mama, i will b bak soon! =)

3
recently I downloaded alot of new yr countdown concert from taiwan..
the crowd is simply amazing!
one day, i will go countdown in taipei city =P
anyone that wish to follow me? lolz
a few of new song i found out vry nice.

Lara - 我不再怕
倪安東 - 散場的擁抱 & 末日快樂
1 more I love da most, guess wat? i post it here dy =)



13 days countDown tik tok tik tok tik tok

the Real worlD!

it's been so long, since i last post my blog..
or should i say since someone last read it? haiz
actually,there is alot alot of things i wanna share..
but.. i really hate laziness!it kill off all my inspiration and desire to blog.. lol
duno why i can only type tradisional chinese with this damn old machine..
so to prevent those who read this to feel uncomfortable with all those weird weird words, i decided to make it English. =)
afta all it describe my life now perfectly, lot's of english and malay to speak! xD

Ok, let's start it!
2 months in Kuching.
dun ask me where i visited or what i found interesting..
bcoz i am here to finish my On Job Training, not vacation!
sound so cool rite? xD
a small company call Hornbill Skyways, tat's it.
with 2 small turboprop & 1 turbojet aircraft which is specialized for the use of Sarawak Chief Minister.
wat's tat and who's the fellow anyway? it's not important..
bcoz i train in rotary wing department, a.k.a. helicopter!
it's my 1st time to touch, to feel, to work, to learn, to clean, to push heli.. =)
we have 11 helicopters all together.
i will make it short..
my best experience so far is get a chance to ride on the EC135 helicopter for a test flight!
u knw wat?
it took you RM6000-RM8000 to travel with our heli, and it's per hour rate O.o
tat's why i am so proud of it, hahahaha
the working stuff i think no nid to write lar, it's boring and strange to you all.

nOw, wR lessons!
when i am in college or secondary school, my friends are all same or near my age.
so i will only think of having fun, playing and all that..
but the time when i step into this company, all the things change!
from a wR tat without any worries and thought..
slowly he start to THINK like an adult. =)
you know why?bcoz the friends around me are now all 40+ yrs old, uncle uncle.
not all lar, but most of it with some going to retired soon.
suddenly i feel like growing up, must plan for my future.
the topic that we chat is no more about drama, internet or games..
they talk about marriage, future, health and burden!
it did influences me bit by bit.
what they say is something like this...
it's better for you to get married before 30 and get a child,so that when you get old you won't have to worry about your child.
it's true also rite? coz when you are 60th, your children will b 30 dy..
you can live happily with your grandchild summore! =)
for me, 30 is like too fast dy...
i duno whether by tat time i can reach my career high, or atleast wit stable incomes..
you need a car, some savings and maybe a house, all those expenses.. >.then you need to worry about how to find a good one, when can you meet her..bla bla bla
suddenly i feel like Life is not easy at all!
this is only about my family, how about my career?

wR so call tarGet
now only i feel myself is so naive.
i thought that after i finish my diploma, something like SIA will employ me and i can b engineer..
with salary of 8k+ & alot of allowances, with big car and big house.
in Real Life, you need to work hard, think smart & abit of luck..
study hard is no more as important as you think.
the competition is there, every year thousands of new guy like us coming from different college or institute dreaming just like me graduate.
but in the end, how many will reach their goal? how many will give up half way?
everyone says that you need to work in big company like MAS, only you got future.
I got a few choices to choose now.

1. apply and work in Hornbill Skyways, as a mechanic and go on with easy lifes.
2. go for MAS, which means i will waste 2 more yrs to learn things that i learnt b4 further.
3. study, a degree might be a good add-on advantage for me to compete with others.
4. try other alternatives.

wR is so so blur now,
missing somewhere on the road.
nevertheless, i miss all of my friends, my family sooo much! >.<"
i knw you all have your own problems oso, what to do?
let's hope that tommorow will be better.
final words, from sijie...
Learn To Be Tough =)